The First 18 Days of Mackenzie's Life

When you find out you are pregnant with a child it is the most incredible blessing and an amazing honor. That is what happened for Lawrence and me in 2020. We found out that we were pregnant with Mackenzie, and we were so stoked because it was another little boy or girl to our family. That excitement came even faster when December 9th, 2020, rolls around and we find out that my water had broken 7 weeks early. To say I wasn’t scared was an understatement because I was supposed to be keeping her safe. 

Mom guilt sets in really quick even though we don’t have much control over it. Little did we know that 3 days later that little girl would come out and be 4lbs 11ozs. However, Lawrence learned quickly that she needed the NICU which we went thru for 18 days. Those 18 days were long and hard, but our family made it thru with the amazing help from my mom. She made sure I got to that hospital every day Lawrence was working to ensure I saw our baby girl. I will never be able to thank her enough for the help her and John have given us over these last couple of years. 

The first few days were hard. We saw her with an IV, NG tube, and CPAP on her face. All of these things were necessary in order to help her survive. I was lucky that my milk supply came in quickly, so I was able to provide her with colostrum which has antibodies in it. Every drop I received was a blessing because our journey was cut short due to medical necessity which I will explain later. Setbacks happen in the NICU to the point where you focus on getting through the next day with no setback and not when they are coming home. No one every tells you about the pain you feel when you are leaving the hospital, and your baby isn’t coming with you. It is also terrifying to know that a snowstorm was about to hit and you had to go home that day. We had gotten into a minor car accident the day I was discharged from the hospital after spending a week in the hospital. Luckily, due to what the NICU does so preemies don’t go home when they aren’t ready. The NICU has parameters that need to be met in order to go home. For Mackenzie, she had to gain weight, pass a car seat test, and take all her feed by mouth I believe. Now, that last one I could be wrong. 

Mackenzie struggled to gain weight. At one point, that was the only thing keeping her in the NICU. She just wouldn’t gain weight. We didn’t really have much of an answer as to why. (Luckily, down the road 11 months we find out why, but you will have to keep reading to find out.) I was doing everything correctly, pumping like I should for the most part (you can’t tell me you have never missed a pumping session to sleep a little bit), and trying to make sure I was doing whatever I could to help her. Mackenzie spent her first Christmas in the NICU, and I remember Lawrence and I walking in and seeing a stocking where we put Mackenzie’s things and it just made it special because we weren’t able to celebrate as a family just yet. 

Finally, we get that call that we can come pick up Mackenzie and take her HOME!! It was December 30, 2020, so I knew coming home before 2021 that the new year was going to bring us so much joy watching her hit milestones, but that joy turned into worry within that first month. There are things I will always remember about her story because it happened while I was with her. Those feelings of being scared and worried haven’t went away since the day we brought her home.